When your blues become a little darker

Unemployment. It’s an ugly word, especially for a single mom. Each day, I wake up in a panic – provided I was lucky enough to be able to fall asleep – wondering how I’ll pay the bills, buy groceries, find someone to watch the kids while I go on interview after interview. I guess perhaps I should be lucky enough to get an interview or two in this slow-growth economy.

In 2010, when I was six months pregnant with my daughter, I lost my job. Then, I had a partner on which to rely so I wasn’t as worried. Granted, things were tight, but we were okay. I had some savings, I had unemployment and I could spend my time preparing for the birth of our daughter. I kept applying for jobs, but as soon as I showed up to the interview, the look on their face once they saw my belly was a definitive ‘no’. This went on for almost a year and finally in March the following year, I found a job.

Things seemed to be getting better for my kids, my boyfriend and me. We could finally pay the bills without borrowing money, we talked about saving money for a house, and I was happy at my job. Murphy’s Law found me once again; my boyfriend and I suffered a miscarriage and, after almost 6 years together, broke up.Ā Just last month, I was laid off. Occupational hazard, I guess, when you work in the automotive industry in this economy. Murphy’s Law – it’s a son a bitch.

When you’re a parent, you learn quickly that your haves go to your kids and skip right over you. You have no clothing budget or movie money, nor do you go out to eat. You begin to lose yourself. With everything that went on this past year, I gained weight, experienced deep depression, and began to feel as though my worth was less than it had been. I’m so lucky to have my kids, I’m lucky to have my blog to keep me sane and occupied, and that Tom Cruise doesn’t have control over outlawing antidepressants because even I needed a little help šŸ™‚

In writing this post, Iā€™m entering the Microsoft Windows Style Makeover Sweepstakes for a chance to win a head to toe makeover!

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